This is what it looks like when you know you're broken or feel due to PTSD but must hide this fact to protect your career and the judgements of those you work with. Hiding is a very temporary solution to this very hard problem. In my opinion.
Make the promise to yourself, to Never EVER speak to your children in a way that you wouldn't want to be spoken to. No matter how irritated you get or exhausted you are, keep your temper low, you'll thank yourself later.