The reason monsters stop bothering you as you grow up// I cry without meaning to in confrontation with authority, if not in the moment (by some miracle) immediately after. It's not strategic, more a mix of fear and rage, and feels like a personal betrayal every time - Embarrassing, which yields more rage. I can't stand crying but what I can't stand the most is vulnerability. So I guess I just double down? Way to go self, youre absurd.