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I just read something from Brene Brown yesterday that spoke to this impulse to reject joy because of the fear that constantly is consuming us. The anxiety that is always lurking. I choose to dare greatly and love anyway, despite the risk.

Hope u r well. I know there is no room for me in your life anymore. If you ever decide you actually want me again and want to have some kind of relationship, I will be here. I love u. Am still in love with you. Wish I knew what I did wrong. To much of a dreamer i guess. hope u get better and can enjoy your summer. Will b here....

I literally over think myself into bad moods and then struggle (and often fail) to over think myself into a good mood imagining parallel world.