as an angsty teen, i found a tiny bit of pride in being a pessimist. i believed that it protected me from being vulnerable or disappointed. i wasn't very successful. now that i'm marginally older, i find myself not playing at being pessimistic, but actually being cynical of things in my life. i want to leave that all behind and focus on the positive. i can't stand being vested in all this cynicism. it does no good.